I am a long-time reader of the New York Times, and of its Opinion Pages, and lately I’ve been noticing that I know pretty much what each of the contributors is going to say about any particular subject even before I read their pieces.
To get to this point I have had to spend thousands of hours of my time and untold amounts of my money. So as a public service to the rest of you I offer this template that you can use to know what each one will say before they say it:
David Brooks: We rely too much on government and not enough on ourselves because our values stink.
Paul Krugman: If you would listen to me the economy wouldn’t stink.
Tom Friedman: The rest of the world is increasingly beating us at our own game because, although we didn’t used to stink, now we do.
Nicholas Kristof: There are a lot of stinking things going on in the world, and we stink for not doing enough to stop them.
Frank Rich: Republicans are evil, and those who don’t oppose them vigorously enough stink.
Maureen Dowd: Everybody stinks, and I get paid to judge them for it! Cool!
I have often thought of sponsoring a "you saw it here first" NYT Op-Ed page contest, which would feature columns written the day before the columnists, to see how accurate the predictions are. Like, on Friday, we all write what we think Gail Collins will say on Saturday, on Saturday we all write what we think Frank Rich will say on Sunday, etc. Maybe with a prize to the nearest approximator, with bets made and the winner going home somewhat richer.
ReplyDeleteBut you beat me to it!
Oh, I forgot Gail Collins.
ReplyDeleteHow about: Yeah, it stinks, but if we got more women in charge maybe it wouldn't stink so much, and even if it did, at least it would be more fair!